the world's longest surviving heart transplant survivor died. he was fifty-two years old. he had lived with his new heart for thirty-one years. upon receiving his new heart, he gained a new appreciation for life and travelled more and was nicer to his friends ...as near death folks tend to do. what they don't mention in every article about this is that he died from cancer. and he also had diabetes. i think that sort of rules out any "god had a plan for him" talk. god wanted him to appreciate life, so he struck him with a heart attack in his early twenties. tony got the message and started being a better person. god still wasn't convinced, so he gave tony diabetes just so he wouldn't get too uppity. tony took to walking 4k's to raise money for heart disease, to which god responded by striking him dead with cancer. in 1945, a farmer in colorado went out to kill a chicken for dinner. he cut off the head, and the chicken ran around headless ...then continued running around with no head for almost two years. mike the chicken became a tourist attraction. "come see the zombie chicken!" so the farmer went from desperately wanting to kill mike for some food to desperately hoping he'd stay alive and make him more money. the sad thing was that mike couldn't appreciate how awesome his living was. no one could high five him, "you're really doing it, buddy!" and mike couldn't learn to appreciate life. "where's the chicken?" "oh, he's out gazing over the beauty of a mountain lake, reflecting on life." nope. just a headless chicken. if the powers that be make the odds and we're all chickens in someone's coop, just be thankful you don't have the same farmer as tony the heart transplant survivor.
Werewolf Economy
there are three ways to kill a werewolf: with a silver bullet, a silver knife, or a stick. there seems to be a glaring disparity between the first two and the third. "i'll sell you this watch for a thousand dollars, or nine hundred ...or whatever you've got in your pocket." why would they allow such a discrepancy between methods? to keep werewolf killing productive. who owns silver knives and bullets? crazy gun-nut collector types and rich people. mostly rich people, who don't want to use the bullets while there is a profit to be made selling sharpened sticks to the lower class. the lower class stays too tired killing werewolves to realize that if they stopped, the rich would have to get their hands dirty and do some of the killing themselves. the middle class sits around and waxes poetically about how nice it would be if the werewolves just went away. the rich people should just distribute their silver weapons equally among everyone. not taking into account that you need werewolves to stimulate work in the lower class. no werewolves, no need to kill them. no need to kill them - no need to mine silver or log trees. the only way to keep it going is to keep a tolerable amount of werewolves around at all times, so that everyone is working and no one is happy.
Based on a True Story
i saw a billboard with an old lady on it, and the caption below said "former nfl linebacker" then below that it said "don't have someone else's funeral" i have no idea what that means. do funeral homes just make up information about you if you can't afford to pay them? "we'll throw her old ass in the ground, but we're making up a life for her. we don't have time to listen to her story ...and don't even think about a tombstone. she's getting the ol' standard - 'here lies a human'" is it just an insurance company trying to scare you? "save up and have the funeral of your dreams!" what does "don't have someone else's funeral" mean? and why is it so bad? regardless of what that lady did in life, playing linebacker professionally is infinitely more interesting than whatever it was that she really did. "your grandmother's head stone says 'beloved mother and friend.' she was good at bridge? well my grandmother led the league in tackles for two seasons. do i know if that's true? they said it at her funeral." of course have someone else's funeral. i don't mind if they get my entire life wrong. if someone would like to write a book about my life, go nuts. base it as loosely as possible on the true story. have me climbing mountains, rescuing people non-stop, acquiring a hefty key to the city collection, frenching ladies relentlessly, whatever you want. i don't mind if the only true part is my name. i just hope your penniless grandmother doesn't steal my life at her funeral.
Original Thoughts
there are no original thoughts. they have already been thought of. every idea that has ever popped into your unoriginal head has also popped into several other heads only much earlier. despite the fact that someone had to have been the first head that the thought popped into, they are still unoriginal. there can be no new thoughts. whoever thought of that was such an unoriginal quitter. "i'm going to think of something that no one else has ever thought of ...eh, can't be done. there are no original thoughts. nailed it." then straight into a nap, and sadly that pathetic thought - that there are no original thoughts - has been accepted and quoted as if it were a law. but aren't thoughts predicated by innovation? did someone in the 14th century really have some thoughts about nanotechnology? maybe philosophical thoughts have all been exhausted as far as how we got here and why, but the philosophies of where we might be going can never be pinned down hundreds of years before they are set in motion. new technologies are going to be put in play that will give millions of minds new ideas of the potential future. are they unoriginal because they are all the same? are we subconsciously told what to think? does everyone who hears about nanorobots living in your body inspecting your cells like beat cops immediately think of inner-space? probably. but what if the nanobots rebel and start communities in your spare kidney, develop the technology to build a particle accelerator in your spleen and create black holes that suck your body into anti-matter from the inside? that has been thought of? what if they all wear powder wigs and fake robot mustaches?