for most of my life, there have been commercials – or really cries for help with a phone number at the bottom – about saving starving children. unicef generally has the market cornered on this. they’ve been seeking help for these horribly malnourished children for over twenty years. and it seems that they are making …
if you make a habit out of saying “they’ve done studies” in order to sound more intelligent and back up whatever point you’re trying to convey, more often than not – the people you are talking to just think you’re an idiot. which you probably are. which studies? make up a name if you have …
being nice can backfire sometimes …and it’s not the coolest feeling. leave a parking space, see the guy next to me having car trouble, pull back into spot and mouth “need some help?”, his car fires up, reverses, and quickly blocks me from backing out. at a stop sign, older, hefty lady slowly crossing street. …
“hey grandma, is there actually a word for the n word?” “i don’t know sweetie” “grandpa said there is. he said that it stands for nigga” “you’ll have to ask him” “that’s right, youngster. it does. many, many years ago – back when people still had pinkie toes and thumbs, it was a word they …
i was at a mosque recently, which has to be the weirdest place to be dead. they just have walls of crypts stacked on top of each other like high school lockers. and just like high school, there’s a cool area to have yours. of course it’s much more expensive. “i think as tim’s expired …
steven hawking is so smart that if you mention his name people assume you are fairly bright. he’s written a book that is essentially “space for dummies” that only geniuses understand. he’s discovered particles around black holes that only exist mathematically. hawking radiation is named after him. he’s been divorced and charged with domestic abuse. …
even if you’re the most avid anti-gun person, you would still have to admit that shooting a gun is pretty fun. for some reason, seeing a bullet go into a target or person or animal or can at any distance brings us a certain amount of joy. there’s a recoil, a little puff of smoke …
people always site the bill of rights as the greatest document in american history. it’s pretty great. you get a lot of rights when you’re in trouble. the freedom of speech allows you to say nearly anything you want in public, and on the off chance you are lenny bruced and sent to jail, your …
what a wonderful invention the high heel was. a way to lift the heel from the ground and in the process accentuate the calves and backyard of any gal who happens to slip them on. it seems simple enough on paper, but sadly just wearing them doesn’t in any way guarantee that you will look …
they’re coming for you mars. they’re watching you as we speak. they’re building vessels to come pay you a visit, and they’ll make it. they’ll land on you. it may feel ticklish at first, and they may even seem friendly. but if you have any water on you – i would hide it. if they …
