“my son, welcome.” “wait. where am I?” “you’re dead.” “and you’re god?” “yes.” “really?” “yes” “really?!” “yes! I’m god.” “but you’re wearing the robes and everything. don’t you think that’s a little hacky?” “no. It’s what i’ve always worn.” “so, you’re really a dude who lives on a cloud …in robes …with a long beard?” …
look at this dude. this is the guy that slapped another woman’s child in an atlanta walmart. he walked up to her while the child was crying and said, “if you don’t shut that kid up, then i will.” then a couple minutes later, he did. i don’t know why she didn’t believe him. look …
Goodnight, sleep tight your teeth are made of peanuts you live inside a walrus named Athena Curl up your eyes and blend into the future you work for bees who never say real nice things they sting your brain and lead you into nightmares Stab the bees with daggers made of armpits and watch their …
…found jani tapping her fingers. not because she wanted to, or was nervous. she simply thought it might make her look more interesting. toddi looked across the table with cheeks puffed (she always looked ridiculous when she smoked. the act made jani think of a child trying to hold their breath and then failing terribly) …
“do you love me?” “of course. you know that.” “i know. i know i know that …i just wish there was a way to be sure.” “you can’t just take my word for it?” “i can. i believe you. but, like a guarantee would be nice.” “a guarantee? …how about if we wore like matching …
i saw a dude a while ago who was asian, and he was also dressed like you would dress if you were going as an asian for halloween and you happened to be ferociously racist. like railroad-era asian, with the cone hat and the weird shoes. he didn’t have the bathrobe/karate uniform type kimono you’d …
the odds of running into a scrotum in public are fairly slim. the odds of seeing a child’s scrotum are even more minuscule. i’m aware that it says “child’s scrotum” on my website now, and i would gladly have shown a picture here if i would have had the good sense to document this monstrosity. …
All of earth’s elephants went to one side the change in weight caused a shift in the tide and the giant waves caused lots of wind and faster and faster the planet began to spin So all of the people flew out into space and all of their brains exploded through their face the brains …
it’s a little odd that within the same month a girl who had been kidnapped eighteen years earlier re-emerged, and a woman in australia accidentally let her stroller with a child inside spill over the edge at a train station right as a train swept past and dragged the little fella a hundred feet down …
the original christian slaves were slaves because they were christians. then 1500 years later slaves became christians. i understand black people rejecting their slave names and converting to the nation of islam, and i understand black people loving jesus. what i can’t understand is how the first few slaves were converted into christians by the …
