the world’s longest surviving heart transplant survivor died. he was fifty-two years old. he had lived with his new heart for thirty-one years. upon receiving his new heart, he gained a new appreciation for life and travelled more and was nicer to his friends …as near death folks tend to do. what they don’t mention …
there are three ways to kill a werewolf: with a silver bullet, a silver knife, or a stick. there seems to be a glaring disparity between the first two and the third. “i’ll sell you this watch for a thousand dollars, or nine hundred …or whatever you’ve got in your pocket.” why would they allow …
i saw a billboard with an old lady on it, and the caption below said “former nfl linebacker” then below that it said “don’t have someone else’s funeral” i have no idea what that means. do funeral homes just make up information about you if you can’t afford to pay them? “we’ll throw her old …
there are no original thoughts. they have already been thought of. every idea that has ever popped into your unoriginal head has also popped into several other heads only much earlier. despite the fact that someone had to have been the first head that the thought popped into, they are still unoriginal. there can be …
there is a dry cleaning place in my neighborhood that advertises that it’s organic. cleaning clothes without liquid seems like witch craft to begin with, but if ever there was a time you wanted some chemicals at work for you – it would be when you’re getting your clothes cleaned by magic. is organic just …
as far as carnivores go, humans are pretty polite. granted, we kill rhinos just to cut off their horns – and we kill tigers just for sport, but we’re resourceful about it. we also make tigers into sexy rugs. we tend to waste less than other carnivores. a pack of lions might kill an elephant …
imagine your body is infiltrated by rodents. these rodents are savvy, and they know if your body feels different that you’ll go to the doctor, they’ll be exposed, and their stay will be over. so, they work as a team to perform all of the functions in your body. they process your food, send messages …
this dude dean kamen, who invented the segway scooter, is working on a new prosthetic arm that would be able to pronate and supinate like a regular arm. it would also be able to grab a single pea and put it in the person’s mouth. then grab your head and crush it like a beer …
the idea of live and let live is ridiculous. if one of your loved ones is doing something that worries you or scares you, you’re not going to be able to just ignore it and live for yourself. no one has ever done that. “oh, is jeff shooting heroine into his penis again? good for …
i was at a comedy show in a crappy bar once, and a girl was on stage telling some jokes when two older blind fellows approached the stage, canes in hand, and started heckling her. they said the typical, “take it off” and what have you, and no one said anything. one – what did …
