Heads up, Mars

they're coming for you mars. they're watching you as we speak. they're building vessels to come pay you a visit, and they'll make it. they'll land on you. it may feel ticklish at first, and they may even seem friendly. but if you have any water on you - i would hide it. if they see that, they'll be digging into you before you know it. they'll slice into you, burrow down into your skin. they'll erect giant structures on you. they'll fill them with more of themselves, and they'll play their music music loudly. i recommend fighting back. if you have any fault lines, tell them to start shaking hands. have the clouds learn how to spin. you're going to have to pull out all the stops because they will survive just about anything. even if you squash them out, if you think you've gotten them all - you will be wrong. if there are even two of them left, they will soon turn right back into millions and be at it all over again. i've been fighting these jerks for centuries, and i'm afraid i'm losing. i've called in meteors, i'm trying to organize an ice age. i don't think it will work. so, if i decide to do the unthinkable and stop spinning - i hope you'll understand. i've fought the good fight, and i'm tired. so tired. it's been nice being neighbors with you, and i'm sorry if our proximity leads to them spreading onto you. i'd say run, but as we are slaves to the sun, that's not possible. so again, hide you water and good luck.


sincerely,
earth