what a wonderful invention the high heel was. a way to lift the heel from the ground and in the process accentuate the calves and backyard of any gal who happens to slip them on. it seems simple enough on paper, but sadly just wearing them doesn't in any way guarantee that you will look more attractive. a lot of women wear high heels, and you can tell that they feel pretty psyched about that. they stagger past you like a drunk cowboy with a look of condescension that seems to say, "i'm three inches out of your league now, buddy" but what they don't realize is that just managing to remain upright on shoes in no way makes you sexier. there's a certain coordination and saunter that goes with wearing heels. that is a crucial element. if you are tilted forward like you're staring over the edge of a high building, or if each step you take only moves your foot forward six or seven inches, that's not too hot. you've got to look like you've walked in them before. you can't look like a cloven-hooved beast walking on ice. a clown on stilts doesn't look like a dude on stilts. he looks like a weirdo with long legs. because he's practiced. he doesn't just say, "tonight i'm wearing stilts". he wore them around his house (or wherever clowns live) until he got the hang of them. that seems like a good idea if you want a guy to ask to buy you a drink instead of asking if you need to use the bathroom.