"do you love me?"
"of course. you know that."
"i know. i know i know that ...i just wish there was a way to be sure."
"you can't just take my word for it?"
"i can. i believe you. but, like a guarantee would be nice."
"a guarantee? ...how about if we wore like matching rings or something?"
"that's a good idea. can mine have some diamonds on it though?"
"...yeah. yeah i guess so. are you paying for the diamonds?"
"no. you should pay. you know, to prove you love me."
"ok. well, if that will prove my love to you..."
"..."
"what?"
"well, it's just ...i wish we could like have our friends witness us putting on the rings."
"so have all of our friends come out to watch us put them on?"
"yeah, and feed them."
"who's paying for that?"
"..."
"ok, so our friends come out, i feed them, we put on the rings, then you believe me?"
"i was thinking we could have like a priest or something there."
"we're not religious."
"i know, but just to make it like super official. so god knows you're not lying."
"and then you'll believe me? rings, friends, god and then we're good?"
"..."
"what?"
"i was hoping to maybe get the state involved?"
"the state?"
"yeah, so if you divorce me, there's a lot of paper work and semantics."
"so that it's less enticing to leave you?"
"right! right. see, that makes sense, right?"
"wouldn't you rather just believe that i love you and use that money for a vacation?"
"i knew you didn't love me."